


to find the nerve to touch your face

by shellybelle



Series: you asked me to be an open book [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Emotionally Stupid College Boys, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 06:01:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10299200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellybelle/pseuds/shellybelle
Summary: Dex should have known better than to think he could ever docasualwith Derek Nurse.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The Dex point-of-view companion/sequel to [our permanent address](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9682487), which I wrote during Nursey Week. You don't _have_ to read that first to figure out what's going on in this one, but it'll make a lot more sense if you do. 
> 
> This wasn't beta-ed and I really abused commas and em-dashes and I apologize for all the run-on sentences, but on the other hand, here's some porn, y'all. 
> 
> (See the end notes for some very slightly spoilery, mild content warnings.)

_Our hearts beat so loud the neighbors think we’re fucking_

_when I’m just trying to find the nerve to touch your face_

Andrea Gibson, “Pansies”

 

 

The first time Nursey cries during sex, Dex doesn’t say anything about it.

 

He wakes up early, curled around Nursey’s back, and it strikes him, sudden and bright despite the fact that the sun’s not even up, that he’s never woken up with Nursey in his bed before, has never fallen asleep wrapped around him. The realization takes his breath away, and that, coupled with the fact that his alarm hasn’t gone off yet, is enough to make him lean over and brush his mouth over Nursey’s neck, and then scrape his teeth against it.

 

Nursey stiffens, then melts back against him, six feet and change of loose, heavy warmth. “Time’sit,” he mumbles.

 

“Early,” Dex says, and presses a kiss to his skin. He slides a hand down Nursey’s side, over his ribs. “Early enough,” he adds, curling his fingers low over Nursey’s hip. Nursey chuckles, turning in the circle of his arm, close enough for his nose to brush Dex’s. He tilts his face up, and Dex kisses him. It's slow and kind of sleep-sour, but it’s soft and easy, and it’s _new_ , Dex thinks, this kind of sleepy kissing, new and strange, but not _bad_ , not at all.

 

He pushes at Nursey’s hip, gentle but firm, and Nursey rolls onto his back, lets Dex settle over him. Dex props himself up on one hand, keeping their lips sealed as Nursey slings one arm lazily over his shoulders and threads his other hand into his hair, and Dex fumbles for his desk lamp with the hand not holding him up. He finds the switch and flicks it, soft yellow light filling the room just enough that he can see Nursey spread out underneath him, sleep-rumpled and gorgeous.

 

A little less gorgeous, now that he’s wincing in the sudden light and frowning.

 

“Dex,” he complains. “ _Why_.”

 

“Wanted to see you,” Dex says, and bends down again, rolling his hips down against Nursey’s. Nursey makes a much happier noise, and Dex laughs, sealing their mouths together and reaching a hand between them, shoving his own boxers down, then Nursey’s.

 

They grind against each other like that, kissing in the dim light of Dex’s room. They keep the pace slow, but it gets intense quickly, and soon Nursey’s fingers are tightening on Dex’s traps, Dex’s mouth alternating between pressing wet, messy kisses to Nursey’s lips and hard, tight ones to his shoulders.

 

He’s just getting close, familiar heat coiling low in his groin, when he hears Nursey take a shaking breath. It’s a different sound than the one he makes when he’s close to coming, and Dex picks his head up to look at him in time to catch the lamplight glint off a shimmer at the corners of Nursey’s eyes.

 

For a moment he thinks he’s imagined it, but then Nursey blinks, and no, those are definitely tears—

 

But Nursey reaches to pull him close, ducking his head firmly into the crook of Dex’s neck and rolling his hips, and Dex catches his own breath on a startled groan. Shit. It’s probably nothing—Nursey’s an emotional guy, and Dex’s own eyes get a little watery when he first wakes up, and—

 

“Fuck,” Nursey says into his neck, his voice almost a whimper. “Fuck, Dex, I’m—”

 

He shudders in Dex’s arms, wet warmth spilling between them. “Fuck,” Dex echoes weakly, and shifts his angle to rut into the slick heat of Nursey’s come. Nursey’s hands tighten on his shoulders, his breath ragged against Dex’s neck, and that plus the new wetness between their bodies is enough to push Dex hard over the edge. He drops onto one elbow, panting roughly, pressing kisses into Nursey’s shoulder and jaw.

 

His alarm goes off.

 

“Fuck you,” he groans, but he wipes his hand on the sheets and reaches over to slam the buzzer off. The horrible blaring noise cuts off abruptly, and Dex drops down next to Nursey, close enough that he can still feel the warmth of Nursey’s body heat.

 

“That thing is fucking horrible,” Nursey mumbles. So much for afterglow. “Why don’t you use your phone like a normal person?”

 

“I can’t hit my phone,” Dex says. “And I’d wanna throw it against shit.” He shoves his boxers the rest of the way off and sits up, wiping off his own stomach and then, as a courtesy, reaching over to wipe Nursey down, too. Nursey doesn’t open his eyes, but he smiles, and Dex leans down to kiss him. “C’mon,” he says. “We gotta shower. We’re gonna get outed as fuck if we show up to practice smelling like come.”

 

Nursey makes a face, but sits up. “You sure know how to romance a dude, Poindexter,” he says.

 

“I’ll let you borrow a towel,” Dex says, and gets out of bed. “How’s that for romance?”

 

“Nice.” Out of the corner of his eye, Dex thinks he catches Nursey swipe a hand over his eyes, but when he turns back, Nursey’s expression is easy and calm, almost still sated. “C’mon,” Nursey says, the slightest hint of a leer in his voice. “I’ll wash your back.”

 

…

 

Here’s the thing: It was supposed to be simple. Or at least, it was supposed to be _casual_.

 

Dex should have known better. He’s never been able to be casual about anything in his life. Not about hockey, where he hits the ice and skates till his feet scream and his muscles ache. Not about school, where he studies to the point of exhaustion because _average_ isn’t _good enough_ , not for him. And not about relationships, where he’s always felt like he’s been the guy people have settled for, like he’s had to throw himself in _hard_ to keep people who were way out of his league.

 

“We’ll just keep it casual, you know?” Nursey had said, when they started this thing, after the third time they’d hooked up, when neither of them could really deny that this wasn’t really _accidental_ anymore. “I mean, we’ve obviously got some chemistry, but it doesn’t have to be, like—we can just be bros blowing off stress, you know? We’re both dealing with a lot.”

 

“Absolutely,” Dex had agreed immediately, because Nursey was gorgeous and Dex _wanted_ , and hated himself for it. “Just friends, blowing off steam.” And he’d grinned, and straddled Nursey’s thighs, and Nursey had tipped his full lips up for a kiss, and—

 

Lately, he’s been trying to test the waters, just to see—just to _see,_ if maybe, _maybe_ , Nursey might want more, too. Touching him more often, outside of sex: a hand on his shoulder, at the small of his back, on his hip. Leaning into his space when they’re together. Going by his room for more than hookups—staying for movies, to do homework together, to just talk. And Nursey always says yes.

 

And the sex is—well—

 

Dex wasn’t a virgin before Nursey, not with girls or with guys, but it’s never been like this. He’s never _wanted_ like this, never had a fierce desperation to simultaneously leave his mark on someone’s skin and touch them so gently he won’t leave the barest trace of his presence; never felt so deeply connected to someone that he can sense their arousal from the slightest hitch in their breath, the lift in their lips, the darkening in their eyes. And he’s never felt so fucking wanted in return—Nursey touches him like he’s something _precious_ , like he’s something that matters, not just a college bro hookup.

 

When it started, the way they fucked was rough-and-tumble, full of laughter and chirping, even aggressive, from to time. But lately it’s slower, softer, locked eyes and shaky breathing, and it makes Dex _wonder_ …

 

He should have known better than to think he could have done _casual_ with Derek Nurse.

 

…

 

The second time Nursey cries, Dex figures it's a coincidence.

 

Dex is on his back, his head tipped against his pillow and his fingers digging into his sheets as Nursey presses two fingers deep into him, so deep Dex can feel it in his _toes_. “Fuck,” he chokes, closing his eyes tight. “Fucking _fuck_ , Nurse—”

 

“You okay?”

 

Dex opens his eyes. Above him, Nursey’s eyes are bright and green and beautiful, and Dex thinks maybe he could drown in them, if he weren’t already too busy drowning in sensation. “Yeah,” he gasps. “Yeah, I’m good. Really good.”

 

He _is_ , is the thing. Nursey’s devastating with his hands (with everything, really, it’d be fucking annoying if Dex wasn’t reaping the benefits of it) and he likes to take Dex apart with them. Before they started hooking up, Dex mostly topped whenever he did stuff with guys—it felt less threatening, somehow, to the image of masculinity he’d constructed in his head.

 

All of Shitty’s lectures about toxic masculinity were nothing in the face of tall, muscular, fuck-with-me-on-the-rink-and-see-what-happens-motherfucker Derek Nurse pressing a bottle of lube into Dex’s hand after a kegster and saying “ _fuck_ me already, Poindexter,” all wide eyes and kiss-bitten lips. If Nursey could do it, Dex sure as fuck could. He hasn’t regretted it yet.

 

Nursey smiles, the lazy, indulgent smile he gives when he knows he’s doing something he’s good at, and ducks his head down, kissing his way down Dex’s chest and ribs to mouth over the ridge of his dick. Dex groans, and Nursey laughs softly against him, but it’s a soft, almost shuddering sound.

 

“Fuck,” he whispers, his breath ghosting over Dex’s dick, his fingers still moving inside him, pressing and pressing and _there—_ “Fuck, Dex, you’re fucking gorgeous like this, you’re amazing. Wish you could see what you look like, babe, you’re just…”

 

His breath hitches, and he presses his face into the skin of Dex’s stomach. Dex reaches down to grab his shoulder a little frantically, because he’s really close and Nursey’s kind of in the splash zone, but Nursey just turns his head and presses kiss after kiss against his skin, working his prostate with one hand and his dick with the other until Dex comes with a cry.

 

When he comes down, still gasping, Nursey is watching him with bright eyes. “Hey,” Dex says, a little shakily. “Hey, you okay?”

 

Nursey darts his tongue out and licks the head of Dex’s dick, which is sensitive enough that Dex whimpers and squirms under the touch. “I’m fine,” he says, smiling. “After watching you like that? Why’d I be anything else?”

 

“I thought—” Dex cuts himself off. There’s a watery sheen at the corners of Nursey’s eyes, but where Dex grew up, you didn’t call a guy out for tears. And Nursey does _seem_ fine, his smile pleased and self-indulgent the way it always is when he’s made Dex come so hard he sees stars, and if it weren’t for that slight sparkle, Dex wouldn’t know anything was off at all.

 

He hesitates, and then decides to let it go. “Nothing,” he says. He runs a hand over Nursey’s cheek. “You want me to get you?”

 

“Nah, I’m good,” Nursey says, turning his hand to kiss Dex’s palm. The motion is fleeting and casual, and so soft Dex aches. “That was for you.”

 

…

 

The third time it happens, he asks. He has to.

 

He has Nursey pinned on his knees and elbows, and he’s thrusting into him with slow rolls of his hips. Nursey has his face pressed deep into the bend of his forearms. He’s gasping, deep, shuddering moans as Dex moves that go right to Dex’s dick.

 

“Fuck,” Dex bites out, moving a little faster, a little harder, he can’t _not_. “God, _fuck_ , Nursey, Derek, you’re so—” Nursey groans, arching his back, and Dex catches his breath, digs his fingers hard into Nursey’s hips. “Fucking beautiful like this, God, I—”

 

Nursey whimpers suddenly, a small, broken sound that Dex has never heard from him before, and Dex stills. “Nursey?”

 

“I’m fine,” Nursey says, but his voice cracks on the words, and Dex can’t see his face, and suddenly that’s terrifying.

 

“Hey,” he says. “Hey, I gotta—I’m gonna pull out so you can turn over, okay?”

 

“I—” Nursey takes a shaking breath, then says, “Okay.” Dex pulls out carefully, holding onto the base of the condom and sitting back on his heels, and Nursey rolls onto his back. His face is tear-streaked and his lips are trembling and he’s not meeting Dex’s eyes, and Dex’s chest clenches with panic.

 

“Oh my God,” he says, alarmed. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Nursey—”

 

“I’m _fine_ ,” Nursey says, swiping the back of his hand over his eyes. “Why’d you stop?”

 

“Because you were _crying_.” Dex stares down at him, worry giving way to only slightly less frantic confusion. “Because generally if you’re fucking someone and they start crying it’s good manners to find out _why_ , Jesus, Nurse. Are you—”

 

Nursey’s face does something complicated, and then he takes a shuddering breath. “I’m fine,” he says again. There are bite marks in his forearm, Dex realizes, and when Nursey sees his gaze on them, he reaches up and touches Dex’s shoulder with a shaking hand. “I’m okay.”

 

Dex doesn’t move. “But you’re—”

 

“I know. I’m—” Nursey takes another breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a—It’s been a long day, and I guess I’m more emotional than I thought, okay? I’m sorry. It’s not you. I’m okay.”

 

Something in the look in his eyes makes Dex hesitate. “Are you sure?”

 

Nursey’s eyes soften, and he smiles. “I’m sure.” He moves his hand from Dex’s shoulder to his neck, then to his cheek, then tugs gently, bringing him forward. “Come back,” he says quietly. “C’mon. Please?”

 

His face is open and gentle, and Dex could no more cut off his right hand than deny him. “Okay,” he says, and bends down as Nursey wraps a leg around his waist, lets his other thigh splay almost lazily out. He can’t quite muffle a groan as he presses back into him, but the sound Nursey makes is just as loud, and his mouth is open and waiting when Dex turns his head to kiss him, wet and messy.

 

It’s a freefall, from there. They’re pressed together all along their chests, Nursey hard and slick between them and rubbing off against Dex’s abs, and if Dex is bent too far over to thrust hard, he’s got a good enough angle that Nursey’s tight and shaking around him. He can feel the vibrations of Nursey moaning into his mouth, and he can’t stop kissing him.

 

Doesn’t want to stop kissing him.

 

Afterwards, when they’re lying together catching their breath, Dex can’t stop looking at the curve of Nursey’s profile, the way his lips part as he breathes. His eyes are closed, long lashes casting shadows over his cheeks. “You’re fucking beautiful,” he says, without thinking.

 

Nursey opens his eyes and looks at him. “What?”

 

Dex’s brain catches up with his mouth, and he flushes. “Sorry, I know that’s weird to say to a friend, I just—” His face feels hot in a way he knows has nothing to do with his orgasm. “You are.”

 

“I…” Nursey’s expression is unreadable. “Thank you,” he says finally. Quietly.

 

Dex shrugs. “It’s true.”

 

Nursey’s lips twitch slightly, a faint, uncertain hint of a smile, and then he sits up, leaning over the side of the bed and picking up Dex’s discarded t-shirt. He wipes his stomach down, then Dex’s, and then drops the shirt again, pushing his hands through his hair. Dex frowns.

 

“You sure you’re alright?”

 

“I’m good.” Nursey reaches over to the desk to look at his phone and grimaces. “Getting late, though.” He gets out of bed, and Dex watches the ripple of the muscles in his back as he bends to pull his underwear on.

 

Dex sits up. “You could stay over again,” he says. Selfishly, he knows, but maybe it’s not pushing—Nursey stays over more often than not after they fuck, now, and Dex has almost gotten used to it, falling asleep to the smell of his skin, the even sound of his breathing. “We could get a pizza, watch a movie or something.”

 

Nursey stills halfway through pulling his t-shirt over his head, and Dex catches the tension in his shoulders for half an instant before it relaxes away. “Little late to be asking me to Netflix and chill with you, Poindexter,” he says.

 

Dex makes a face at him. “Dude, you know that’s not what I meant.”

 

Nursey grins. “I know.” He runs a hand through his hair. “But I…” He trails off, and then shakes his head. “I should get home. Sorry. I’ve got some shit due tomorrow morning, and the books for it are in my room.”

 

“Yeah, alright.” Dex shrugs, trying to keep his disappointment off his face. Nursey’s allowed to not sleep over with him, Jesus, Poindexter, stop being clingy when he’s not even your boyfriend, _fuck_. “I’ll see you at practice tomorrow, then?”

 

“You bet.” Nursey zips his jeans and pulls his hoodie on, then shoves his feet into his sneakers. He picks up his bag and shoulders it, and then, as if as an afterthought, comes back over to the bed and puts a hand against Dex’s cheek. His eyes have a glint in them, but there’s something in it that Dex can’t quite read. “I’ll kiss you goodnight, though.”

 

Dex grins at him, raising an eyebrow in invitation, and Nursey gives one short laugh before he bends his head. The way their lips slot together is easy now, practiced, and Dex tilts his head into the kiss to deepen it. Nursey’s tongue slips into his mouth but it’s not going anywhere, and there’s a sweetness to it that Dex wasn’t expecting, a lingering softness.

 

It feels like a goodbye kiss, he thinks, and he doesn’t quite know why.

 

Nursey pulls away, his hand resting against Dex’s cheek for another moment or two before he lets that drop, too. He steps back, and Dex can’t read his face at all. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he says. “G’night, Dex.”

 

“Night,” Dex echoes, lifting a hand in a sort of half-wave. Nursey smiles softly and leaves, the door closing behind him with a gentle click.

 

They’d cracked the window earlier, despite the weather, because the dorm’s heat is on the fritz again and they’d been on the verge of sweating to death. Now, Dex finds himself shivering a little, the sweat drying on his skin and prickling into goosebumps.

 

He flops back against the pillows, and closes his eyes.

 

He tells himself, firmly, that it’s just the wind from outside making his bed feel cold.

 

Maybe if he tells himself enough, he thinks, letting one hand fall over to rest over the spot where Nursey had been, he might even believe it.

 

…

 

Something changes after that.

 

Dex feels it the next time they hook up—there’s a distance to Nursey’s touches, a quick efficiency to the way he kisses that’s different from the way things have been between them lately. It’s not _bad_ , by any stretch; even a rough handjob from Nursey still makes his knees weak, but it puts him on edge. When he returns the favor, backs Nursey up against the wall of his dorm room and opens his jeans one-handed, he tries to kiss him, and Nursey turns his head and bites down on Dex’s shoulder instead, shuddering. He still comes in a messy spill all over Dex’s fingers and wrist, clinging to Dex’s arm and making a bunch of noise that he muffles into Dex’s t-shirt, but he doesn’t kiss Dex when he comes like he has been.

 

Dex kisses his neck and strokes him til he’s shaking from the overstimulation, but a hint of uncertainty curls in his gut.

 

That’s not the only thing that changes. He’s gotten used to their hookups being pretty much equally instigated. A flirty text from Nursey, a significant look across the locker room from Dex, Nursey’s hand lingering on Dex’s neck when they hung out and did homework, Dex curling his fingers around Nursey’s wrist at a kegster, tugging him up the stairs.

 

But that’s different now, too. Nursey stops reaching out. He still almost always says yes, when Dex texts him or arches a meaningful eyebrow, still responds with the same enthusiasm and devastating skill, still takes Dex apart with his hands and his mouth and his dick, but it’s always Dex who does the asking now. He doesn’t show up at Dex’s room unexpectedly anymore, doesn’t slip into his space at practice, doesn’t sleep in his bed.

 

And—okay. Dex can take a hint. _Beautiful_ was too far. Slow and sweet and tender was too far; expecting Nursey to be okay with sleeping in his arms like what they had was something deeper than friendship was too far. Okay.

 

It’s fair. It’s more than fair. It’s what they agreed on, when they started this in the first place.

 

He should have expected he’d fuck it up eventually.

 

If he had any kind of self-preservation, he knows he’d break it off completely. Nursey’s obviously not interested, is clearly just humoring him at this point—why else would he have stopped reaching out?—but he keeps saying yes to Dex, and Dex, like a fucking idiot, keeps asking. It’s stupid and he knows it, knows it’s just going to break his dumb over-invested heart, but he’d rather have some of Derek Nurse than none of him, even if it’s only for a little while.

 

Insecurity finally gets the best of him.

 

“Hey,” he says, pulling his clothes back on in Nursey’s room, asking the question before he can stop himself. “We’re—This is still cool, right?”

 

Nursey blinks at him a few times, puzzled. There’s a slight sheen of sweat on his temples, and his face still looks like he just had his brains sucked out through his dick. Which, Dex thinks, a little smugly, he did. “What?”

 

Dex zips his jeans and comes back to sit shirtless on the edge of the bed. “You and me,” he says, trying to keep the uncertainty out of his voice. “This—This thing we’re doing. Is it still okay with you?”

 

He asks the question as carefully as he can, trying to play it cool. Casual. Casual, he tells himself, casual, casual. Anything to keep how fucking invested he is off his face, but if Nursey’s gonna break things off, he’d rather he just—

 

But Nursey’s frowning slowly, uncertainty and something Dex would almost think was insecurity on his face, except that doesn’t make sense. Because Nursey could have _anyone_. Why would he be insecure with Dex? “Of course it’s still okay,” he says, brow furrowing as he studies Dex’s face. “Why? I mean—are _you_ okay?”

 

Sure, Dex thinks, other than the part where I’m in love with you, and you barely let me kiss you anymore. He shoves that down. “You, uh. You don’t ask me anymore.” His ears feel hot. “Like, you don’t call me first? I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t, like, pressuring you or anything.”

 

Nursey’s eyes go wide, and then soften to such gentleness that Dex _hurts_. “Dex, no,” he says. “Fuck, man, of course not. I didn’t even realize.” He rubs the back of his head, looking rueful. “We’ve both just been so stressed with school and games and shit, I guess I just—like, I didn’t want to bother you.”

 

Dex blinks. “With sex?”

 

“Yes? Or, well—” Nursey gives him an embarrassed smile. “I guess it’s more like...Like, I’d never go to the Haus and ask Bitty to make me a pie, but if he texted and told me he was already making me one and it was my favorite, I’d get my ass over there, you know?”

 

Dex takes a second to process that, trying to figure out if he should be amused or insulted. “Did you just compare my dick to pie?”

 

“Technically to my favorite pie,” Nursey says, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. “And I didn’t specify your dick.” He reaches out and, all muscle, pulls Dex into his lap, squeezing his ass as he does it. Dex rolls his eyes but goes with it, straddling him with a mostly-feigned grunt, and then raises his eyebrows at him. Nursey ducks his head onto his shoulder with a sigh.

 

“I’m sorry for making you feel...how I made you feel,” Nursey says quietly. “I’ve been up in my own shit, and I didn’t realize.”

 

There’s a soft vulnerability in his voice that catches Dex off-guard—He’d been expecting Nursey to make a joke, or to tell him he didn’t want him anymore. This quiet softness is almost too much. He swallows, and brings his hands up to Nursey’s shoulders. “I’m good if you’re good, dude,” he says.

 

Nursey’s still for a moment, and then he lifts his head, and there’s a smile in his eyes. “I’m good if you’re good,” he echoes.

 

“Okay, then.” Dex pauses, and then, because he can’t stand the look in Nursey’s eyes anymore, wriggles his hips a little. “But like, send a dude a booty call text every now and then, alright? You’re making me feel clingy as fuck, man.”

 

Nursey laughs, a loose, gentle sound. He slips his hands under the waistband of Dex’s jeans. “Well,” he says, his voice a gravelly purr that coils warm and sweet in Dex’s belly. Wanted, he thinks, _wanted_ , even if it’s just for this. “We can’t have that.”

 

…

 

Nursey texts him two days later.

 

Dex has his jeans off and is halfway into a pair of sweatpants, because it’s late as fuck and it is _bedtime_ , college all-nighters be damned, when his phone goes off. He ties the drawstring on his sweats one-handed and picks up his phone.

 

**Nurseyyyy**

Dexxxxxx hey are you busy?

 

He looks at his clock. It’s after eleven. They don’t have practice in the morning, it’s a game day, but he’s got a nine a.m. class on Fridays. But there’s no misreading that text, and Nursey hasn’t _asked_ for him in what feels like _forever_. Dex sits down on the edge of his bed and bites his lip, texting back.

 

**Nurseyyyy**

Not super busy. Why?

 

Wanna come be not super busy with me?

 

What’d you have in mind?

 

You gonna make me ask? ;)

 

 

For half a moment, Dex considers it—wants in writing, wants the _proof_. But that’s never been his style. He texts back, **nah, be there in 10** and gets two thumbs up and an eggplant emoji in response, and snorts, getting to his feet. He doesn’t bother to change, just throws a jacket on over his t-shirt and pulls on his sneakers, shoving his keys and phone into his pocket.

 

It takes him less than ten minutes to walk to Nursey’s dorm, but Nursey opens the door as soon as he knocks anyway, and Dex takes half a second to drink him in. Nursey’s dressed for bed, SMH sweatpants and a threadbare Andover Hockey t-shirt, and his eyes are bright as he gives Dex an exaggerated once-over. “Hey,” Dex starts, but Nursey grabs him by the sleeve and pulls him into the room, closes the door behind him, and promptly shoves him up against it, sealing their mouths together.

 

It’s their first kiss—their first real, _real_ kiss—in what feels like forever, and Dex loses a muffled sound of surprise in it before he sucks in a breath through his nose and hauls Nursey in closer by the hips, until they’re pressed together, chest to chest. Nursey tastes like the bourbon he gets Ransom to buy him sometimes, and Dex pulls back just long enough to glance past Nursey’s shoulder and see the bottle and a glass on Nursey’s desk, but Nursey’s eyes are clear.

 

Nursey twists to follow his gaze, and snorts. “I had one drink,” he says, curling his arms over Dex’s shoulders, pressing close, warm and easy. He nuzzles into Dex’s neck. “I’m sober, I swear.”

 

“You taste like whiskey,” Dex points out, but he tilts his head indulgently, lets Nursey scrape his teeth along his pulse.

 

“Yeah, it’s got a strong flavor. You want me to pour you one?”

 

“You know I come from a whiskey family, Nurse. None’a that fancy shit in my house.” He shifts to take hold of Nursey’s jaw and pull him back into a kiss, and Nursey opens for him sweet and easy like he hasn’t for _ages_.

 

It’s good, it’s so good, and Dex doesn’t know what’s changed but he doesn’t want to question it. Nursey melts into him, moans into his mouth, and Dex draws back, bites his bottom lip, gets another soft groan. “Fuck,” he says. “What’d’ya want, Nursey?”

 

Nursey leans in to kiss him again. “Fuck me,” he murmurs against Dex’s mouth, and Dex’s hands tighten on his hips before he can think to stop them. “I want you to fuck me.”

 

Dex’s mouth goes dry. “Nursey,” he says, a little weakly. “We—we’ve got a game tomorrow—”

 

“I don’t care.” Nursey kisses his neck, trails his mouth up to the hollow under his ear, the spot that makes Dex’s knees shake every time. “I’ll be fine to skate, you know I will be—”

 

He’s probably right, is the thing. They both switch these days, but Nursey relaxes easier than Dex does, opens up faster and stretches with less effort, and Dex is pretty sure Nursey doesn’t feel it in the morning nearly as much as Dex does.

 

And fuck, but Dex _wants_ him.

 

“Okay,” he says. “Fuck, God, okay.”

 

Nursey grins, all teeth, and Dex walks him backward, toward his bed. They lose clothes fast, not bothering with anything close to decorum or grace. Dex throws his jacket into the corner of the room, kicks off his shoes, almost knocks Nursey’s desk lamp over when he chucks his shirt away. Nursey doesn’t seem to mind, just laughs roughly, pulls Dex closer, and Dex goes, goes, goes.

 

They fall back onto the bed, Nursey on top, miles of hot, naked skin, and God, it’s good. “Hair,” Nursey says against his lips, and Dex slides one hand into Nursey’s curls immediately, tangling and tugging, relishing Nursey’s shuddering moan. He wraps his other arm around Nursey’s waist and rocks his hips up, gets another shudder as Nursey brings their mouths back together.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Nursey groping in his desk drawer, dumping a bottle of lube onto the bed. He digs around again and comes up with a glove, but when he starts trying to work it on one-handed, Dex breaks the kiss. “Let me,” he says.

 

Nursey frowns. “I’m faster,” he says, a hint of a whine in his voice.

 

“I know,” Dex says. He sits up, tugging Nursey to straddle his lap. “But I want to.”

 

Nursey pouts at him, but he lets Dex pull the glove on and slick up his fingers. He grinds his hips down against Dex’s dick, though, clearly not in the mood for foreplay, and that’s fine with Dex. “Hurry up, then,” he says, eyes hot and dark. “I wanna ride you.”

 

Dex _feels_ his dick twitch up at that, and he drops his hands down to squeeze his ass. “Fine,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady. “You got it. Shut up.”

 

“Make me,” Nursey says, holding his gaze.

 

All heat. Dex shudders and adds a final slick of lube to his hand before he reaches back to slide a finger over Nursey’s hole. Nursey groans and leans to meet him, takes him to the knuckle in one smooth stroke, and Dex tightens his hand on his hip. “Easy,” he cautions.

 

“I’m good,” Nursey says. He’s shaking a little, but his eyes are steady on Dex’s, his lips parted and trembling. “I’m good, it’s good.” He rotates his hips, riding Dex’s finger gently, and Dex bites his lip. “C’mon, gimme another one, come on.”

 

Dex strokes another finger over his rim. “How ’bout you get used to one first?” Nursey whines a little and tries to press back to press Dex’s second finger into him, and Dex frowns, wrapping his other hand around Nursey’s waist and holding him firmly in place. Nursey’s stronger than him, but he’s not expecting the grab, and he stills. “Stop,” Dex says. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

 

“I’m _fine_ ,” Nursey says impatiently, wriggling against Dex’s grip, but Dex holds him fast. “Dex, I _want_ —”

 

He’s almost flushed, his pupils blown, and Dex swears, giving up and knocking him onto his back. Nursey makes a surprised sound as he lands, his hands coming up automatically to grab at Dex’s shoulders, and Dex presses their foreheads tightly together, curling the finger he already has inside him to push firm against his prostate. Nursey lets out a tight, choked moan.

 

“I know what you want,” Dex says. The words come out breathless. He can’t help it, he’s _never_ been able to help himself around Nursey, _fuck_ , he’s in so far over his head. “You’ll get what you want.” Nursey looks up at him with wide, dark eyes, and Dex feels an odd flare of insecurity cut through his arousal. “Do I ever leave you wanting?”

 

Nursey’s lips part, and then he licks them, his throat working as he swallows. “No,” he whispers. “No. You always take care of me.”

 

Something clenches in Dex’s chest at that, and all the words he was trying to think of leave his head. He bends his head to kiss him instead, and Nursey lets him, kisses back so sweetly Dex aches with it.

 

_I would take care of you_ , he thinks, trying to pour that into the kiss, because he can’t say it out loud; it would be giving too much of himself away to ever say it out loud. _I would, as much and as long as you wanted me to, as you’d let me._

 

Nursey’s shaking when Dex finally sits up again, pulling Nursey back into his lap as he goes. They’re both shaking. Dex loses his breath on a groan when Nursey rolls a condom onto him with a tight fist and then, holding his gaze with bright eyes, sinks onto him so slowly Dex shudders.

 

“Fuck,” Nursey says. Whispers. He’s trembling. It hasn’t been slow like this in so _long_. Dex wraps his arms around his waist, shifts his legs for balance, holds him tighter. Nursey rolls his hips. “Oh, _fuck_.”

 

“Come on,” Dex breathes, and Nursey shudders. “Come on, baby.”

 

The name slips out before he can stop it, but before he can start to feel mortified, Nursey makes a tiny, desperate sound and hauls him into a fierce, bruising kiss. It’s deep and sudden and pulls Dex in as strong as a riptide, and Dex lets himself be washed away, tightens his arms and closes his eyes and loses himself in the movements of Nursey’s hips and hands and tongue.

 

It’s intense. It’s hot and heady and Dex is on the edge far sooner than he knows he should be for the pace of it, but Nursey seems to be right there with him, shaking and clinging to him and still kissing him, deep, wet, lingering kisses like he wants to drown in Dex’s mouth.

 

“Dex,” Nursey bites out, his name almost a whimper against Dex’s lips. “Dex, fuck, I’m—I’m so—”

 

His nails dig into Dex’s back. A catch of his breath, so familiar. The drag of his teeth on Dex’s lower lip. “Yeah,” Dex gasps, snapping his hips up to meet him. “Yeah, sweetheart, come on, come for me.”

 

Nursey sucks in a gasping breath and buries his face in Dex’s shoulder and comes between one thrust and the next, spilling between them in a hot rush, untouched and clenching so tight the breath stutters in Dex’s lungs.

 

“Oh, fuck, there you go,” Dex breathes, all he can do not to gasp out _thank God_. He closes his eyes and lets go, rolling his hips up once more and pulling Nursey, still shuddering, down on his cock as he comes with a groan. Nursey makes a sound that’s almost a cry and tightens his hands on Dex’s shoulders, clenching around him, and Dex doesn’t know if it’s aftershocks or what but fuck, fuck, it feels so good he thinks he might die.

 

“Fuck,” Nursey whispers, a small, trembling word as another shock goes through him. “Oh, fuck, God—”

 

“I got you, baby.” Dex turns his head to kiss his neck, his voice shaky and slurred in the aftermath of orgasm, verbal filter gone. “I got you, sweetheart, you’re okay. I got you.”

 

A shudder goes through Nursey suddenly and he makes a sound that borders almost on a sob, and Dex’s blood runs cold. “Stop,” he chokes out, and Dex stills his hands on Nursey’s back. “Dex, don’t, please. I can’t.”

 

Dex pulls carefully away from him—he doesn’t pull out, he can’t do that without pushing Nursey off his lap somehow, but he separates their bodies enough that he can look up at Nursey, whose eyes are—oh, God, tear-bright. “What,” he asks, dread rising. “Nursey, I—What did I do?”

 

“Just—” Nursey takes a shaking breath. “Calling me—calling me sweetheart. Touching me like I’m—like I’m _important_ to you. I can’t—” He blinks, tears at the corners of his eyes, and Dex’s heart breaks, and, oh, _oh_ , he’s so stupid, how did he miss this, _how_ —

 

“My heart can’t take it, Will,” Nursey whispers, and Dex _can’t_.

 

“Nursey,” he breathes. He cups Nursey’s face in his hands, brushes his tears away with his thumbs. “Nursey, Nursey, Derek, oh, God.” Nursey sniffles, his face torn between confusion and what Dex is terrified is shame, and Dex leans up and coaxes him into a soft kiss. Nursey makes that terrible almost-sob sound again, and Dex pulls away.

 

“If I touch you like you’re important, it’s because I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you,” he whispers. He can feel his heart pounding in his throat, can feel the flutter of Nursey’s pulse under his hands where they’ve slid down to rest against his neck. Nursey stares at him, wide-eyed, his lips parted and trembling, and Dex gives up, throws caution to the wind. “I want _everything_ with you, Nursey.”

 

Nursey’s eyes are bright, his expression uncertain. He brings one hand up, slowly, touches Dex’s cheek. “You never said,” he says, voice hoarse.

 

Dex swallows. “I didn’t think you wanted,” he begins, and shrugs. “We said casual.”

 

Nursey’s lips twitch. “You’re not casual about anything.”

 

“No.” Dex strokes his thumbs gently over the skin of Nursey’s neck. “You never said anything either.”

 

He tries not to sound accusatory, and he must manage it, because Nursey shrugs a little, shifting in his lap. Still inside him, Dex hisses a little at the sensitivity. “It felt too risky,” Nursey admits. “I wanted…” He smiles, soft. Almost shy. Dex has always found him beautiful. “I wanted whatever you would give me. It was enough. But then you were so—it felt like what I wanted, but just out of reach.”

 

Dex reaches up, traces his fingers through Nursey’s hair. “That’s why you started pulling away,” he guesses, the pieces clicking into place. Nursey nods. “And now?”

 

Uncertainty flickers in Nursey’s eyes. “Now?”

 

“What do you want now?” Nursey opens his mouth, but Dex finds that he can’t stop talking, now that he’s started. “Because I want—I want everything we _were_ doing, but I want you to know that it was on purpose. I want you to stay over in my room. I want to wake up with you and fuck before practice if we manage to wake up before the alarm. I want to watch stupid movies with you when we should be doing homework. I want to be able to mark you up so that no one else’ll ever try to fuck you at a kegster. I want—”

 

Nursey pulls him into a kiss, firm and sweet, and Dex can’t even find it in him to be pissed about the interruption. “Yes,” he says, tight and close against Dex’s lips like he doesn’t want to pull away. “To all of it. Yes.”

 

He kisses him again before Dex can reply, pushing Dex onto his back on the bed, and Dex lets him, too overwhelmed with shock and endorphins and half-convinced this is some kind of post-orgasmic dream to protest. He wraps his arms around Nursey’s waist, though, and finds him solid and heavy and real, and Nursey’s lips are sweet and full against his. “Hey,” he says, when they finally part. “You’re gonna have to be better about the whole communication thing, you know. If we’re gonna make this work.”

 

Nursey smiles like the sun, resettling his weight. Dex’s refractory period is apparently over, and he catches his breath slightly, hitching his hips up. Nursey cups his face in his hands. “I’ll write you a poem,” Nursey promises him, “with every word I’ve ever felt.”

 

Dex grins. No one’s ever written him a poem before. He curls his hands over Nursey’s hips, rolling his own and making Nursey moan. “You promise?”

 

“I’ll write it for you,” Nursey murmurs, rolling his body to meet him, sinuous and smooth, his lips soft as they move against Dex’s, “tomorrow.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Content warnings: Some miscommunications about crying during sex and level of emotional okay-ness. There's enthusiastic consent all around, but communication could be better. Be honest with your partners about your feelings, kids. It's a nice thing to do.]
> 
> SEE IT ALL WORKED OUT IN THE END. I WAS ONLY MARGINALLY TEMPTED TO SPLIT THIS INTO TWO CHAPTERS AND MAKE YOU WAIT FOR THAT RESOLUTION. :D
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr @geniusorinsanity for prompts, headcanons, and a lot of posts about how cute my dog is.


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